Hi. I'm not a content machine.

I'm a hairstylist who writes things down between clients and posts them on the internet because apparently that's what we do now.

I've worked with exactly one brand. On purpose. Because the bar is currently set somewhere around "would I actually put this in my own hair, on my own face, in my own sons' bath, in my own kitchen, on my own husband whether he likes it or not."

That's the bar. It's a high bar. It's also a slightly chaotic bar because the criteria changes depending on whether I've slept.

So this isn't a roster.

It isn't a rate card.

It isn't a tiered package situation with three columns and a gold border around the middle one.

It's just me. Telling you that if you're a brand, and you've read something here, and you've gone "oh she'd probably get it" — then yeah. Probably. Send the email.

I'll tell you honestly if it's a fit. I'll tell you honestly if it isn't. I won't ghost you, and I won't pretend to love something I'd never reach for at 6:47am when I'm trying to find a hairband and a child's shoe at the same time.

That's the whole pitch.

Also respectfully?

If we're a vibe, you'll know within about two emails.